Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber
I have an incredible relationship with my own siblings. They are the one people who have been witnesses to my entire life — the whole crazy ride thing — and that relationship is unlike anything else. And I think that’s true for all siblings – it’s such a fascinating relationship.
So when I became the parent of siblings, I took it seriously. I don’t buy a lot of parenting books. One – I think they are generally overrated compared to just deeply understanding your own kids. I try to narrow it down and read only the best of the best. For siblings specifically, Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber keeps showing up at the top of every list — and after reading it, I understand why.
If you’ve read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (also by Faber), you already know the format: real-world scenarios, illustrated examples, and a very practical, non-preachy tone. Siblings Without Rivalry follows the same approach and lands just as well.
What I Liked
The book is even-handed and genuinely not simplistic. That’s rarer than it sounds in parenting books.
The core insight — the one I keep coming back to — is that over-intervention can be just as harmful as neglect. Maybe not equally harmful in every case, but the point stands: your first instinct as a parent isn’t always the right one. The book does a good job of sharpening your awareness and observation of each child as an individual rather than giving you a script to follow.
It also deals honestly with the asymmetry built into sibling relationships. Parents always have more knowledge, more context, and more power than the kids do. The children, meanwhile, have no real idea what you’re trying to do as a parent — and frankly, they don’t care. They are their own people. Keeping that in mind changes how you intervene, when you intervene, and when you step back entirely.
The book is also genuinely easy to use. It’s structured so you can skim it, dip in and out, and return to it as a reference when a specific situation comes up. That’s exactly what a parenting book should be.
What I Didn’t Like
The illustrated scenarios — similar to How to Talk So Kids Will Listen — are useful for communicating ideas clearly, but they also have a way of depicting the one version of a situation that will never actually happen in your house. Real life is messier than any cartoon can capture.
That’s a minor gripe, and I’m glad the illustrations are there. They do the job. I just want to flag it for anyone who picks up the book and thinks, “My kids would never respond that cleanly.” Correct. They won’t. That’s fine.
Bottom Line
Siblings Without Rivalry is one of the better parenting books I’ve read — which, again, is a short list by design. It’s for parents of any age kids, but especially useful if you’re in the thick of it with young children who are still figuring out how to share a family.
Highly recommended. Get it from your library, your local bookshop, or Amazon.
Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber is one of the better parenting books I've read. It's even-handed, practical, and built around a genuinely useful insight: over-intervention can be just as harmful as neglect. It treats each child as an individual and is structured to use as an ongoing reference — easy to skim, easy to revisit. If you're raising siblings, it belongs on your shelf.
- Core insight — that over-intervention can be as harmful as neglect — is genuinely useful and not obvious
- Treats siblings as individuals rather than offering a one-size-fits-all script
- Easy to skim and use as a reference, not just a one-time read
- Illustrated scenarios are clean and tidy in ways real-life sibling situations never are
- Light on guidance for older kids and teens; most useful for parents of young children
